I threw in some ellipses as a hint to where I made giant cuts. Follow the link for the article in its full and satisfying form. When I pasted it, it just hogged the entire front page of the blog.
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior
Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what happens when they fight back?
By AMY CHUA
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| Amy Chua with her daughters, Louisa and Sophia, at their home in New Haven, Conn. Erin Patrice O'Brien for The Wall Street Journal |
A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.
Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting...
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America.
Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.
Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)...
—Amy Chua is a professor at Yale Law School and author of "Day of Empire" and "World on Fire: How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred and Global Instability." This essay is excerpted from "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua, to be published Tuesday by the Penguin Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © 2011 by Amy Chua.
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.
All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America.
Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.
Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)...
—Amy Chua is a professor at Yale Law School and author of "Day of Empire" and "World on Fire: How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred and Global Instability." This essay is excerpted from "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua, to be published Tuesday by the Penguin Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © 2011 by Amy Chua.
I tried deleting some of the related articles that were nested in the original, but it screws things up a little. I apologize for the weird gaps. But you can click the link to see the original article more readably.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with some of the things Ms. Chau does, but for the most part, we're on the same page. I say it to be funny, but I do wonder if I have Aspergers' syndrome, because I don't know if Marcy would have been able to merely escape in tears. I think I'd have verbally abused her into an institution.
All the intense direction sure seems to be paying off, too.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2010/12/02/what-is-a-college-degree-worth-in-china?scp=1&sq=What%20Is%20a%20College%20Degree%20Worth%20in%20China&st=cse
As China's graduates can't find jobs for all their pretty violin and piano playing. Yay for over-lording parents!! It leads to unemployment AND misery!! Awesome!
It's horrible to read about people who are such total monsters. It's even more horrible to hear abusive parents blame an entire culture for their own personal need to abuse children.
ReplyDeleteIf I happened to know Amy Chua, after this article I would never greet her and let all of our colleagues know that she is a vile child abuser. Whether this is because I have Aspergoer's or not, but I think people like Chua should be boycotted by every decent human being.
I had a student raised this way do nothing for 90% of the time scheduled for the final project. He was paralyzed by having to design an experiment. He could follow directions and be perfect and get what's already been done to be done again. But the responsibility of being the one to design the experiment, and one that might not "work", was too much for him. He was downing mallox and googling his brains out, but not putting any frigging chemicals in the beakers. The idea that if it doesn't do what you expected, you still learn something, was freaking him out. The idea that the sterilized versions of the principles spelled out in gen. chem. don't pan out in practice was freaking him out. Physical outcomes should be binary as they are in the book. And the fact that side reactions occur and separations can't be perfect upset him. He's got a 1024 IQ (hyperbole, obviously), but he's completely useless as a chemist.
ReplyDeleteBut he will be a mediocre doctor, make a lot of money, and eventually be happy. If he doesn't kill himself for not getting an A in my class, anyway.
PS: I think she's over the top with the piano horror story and the weird ban against drama and other instruments. She's assuming that if a kid does a play they'll be entitled about it. But a kid could ask nicely and seek carpooling options. Sleep-overs could probably be ok too, sparingly and only if you knew the kids and other parents involved (not just the host parents, but the parents of all of the guests).
ReplyDeleteBut she doesn't magically expect the kids to do these things without help. And she doesn't expect their teachers to magically give them that help, and magically be able to do so for all of their students.
She efficiently explains the "nothing is fun until you're good at it" barrier that baffles many "Westerners".
She's pro-rote. I'm not saying all you have to do is write "The atomic number of carbon is 6" 50 times and you're gold, but it has value.
And though she doesn't explicitely mention this, Americans underestimate the role of expectations in outcomes.
For counterpoint, take a look at some of the recent coverage of the success of Finland's school system, in which students start at age 7, and do little homework (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/8601207.stm ).
ReplyDeleteI do get the "nothing is fun until you're good at it" point, and agree that the current American educational/family system could do much better in producing this experience. Limiting kids to one or two extracurriculars at a time (while still allowing them room to experiment, in order to find out what they have the capacity to be *really* good at) would probably be a step in the right direction.
But, overall, this doesn't sound to me like a recipe for kids who are either happy (which may well be overrated) or independently competent (which can't be overrated).
Also, how do you do deal with the "[must] be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama" rule if you've got two "Chinese mother"ed kids in the class, or, God forbid, twins? My high school, which didn't do class rankings at all (I honestly only realized I was in the top 5% when one of my teachers gave me back one of those recommendation forms with places to check off rankings without bothering to put it an envelope), would have driven Chua crazy, but might have been great for her kids.
When the kids move out, do they go crazy? Or are they crazy already?
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out the "nothing is fun until you're good at it" thing...I do a ton of stuff I suck at...modern dance (I am...not the black swan...but...the Epileptic Seal!), photography (crap, there's my thumb again), training my dog (we were doing so well, and then you ate that chihuahua.)
ReplyDeleteIt must be my low self-esteem caused by my dad pretending to drive us to the orphanage when we misbehaved. (No, really he did that. I don't recommend it as a parenting strategy.)
While I believe in "nothing is fun until you are good at it," I also firmly believe in "free time, honestly free time," is necessary for the development of creativity, and problem-solving. If your kid is never bored, he/she will have no incentive and no time to develop imagination.
ReplyDeleteI believe in limiting extra-curricular activities and playdates for this reason. "Go play in your room" can create all kinds of wonderful experiences for kids.
The other day, I asked my kid, who was playing in her room for a couple hours, what she was doing. "Writing a novel. I'm on chapter 7."
@WhatLadder - Indeed. The expression, "Play is a child's work," is absolutely true, in terms of personal and social development.
ReplyDeleteI've met a few people raised as described in the article, and they tend to be very self-disciplined but . . . well, weird. ('Weird' in the sense of not dealing well with interpersonal relationships, not being able to allow themselves 'down time', etc.)
When I think of success, I clearly define it differently than Ms. Chua. To me a successful child is one that grows into an adult that is happy/satisfied and able to hold things together financially.
ReplyDeleteI do believe kids should do their best in school, that doesn't always mean "A" to me. Kids should put in effort to extracurricular activities, but I'll let the kids choose which sports/arts are interesting to them.
I have heard this has killed a lot of campus political culture. More and more Asian students are flooding places like Berkeley, turning them into a great big study hall with no activism. It is a self-perpetuating cycle, since the political kids hear about it in advance and end up at other universities.
ReplyDelete@BlackDog
ReplyDeleteThat's how Alfred Hitchcock's parents accidently made him fear the police; he was bad once as a small child and his parents sent him down to the area police station where he was (jokingly) locked in a cell for an hour or two. Notice that in many of his films the protagonist is wrongly accused or framed, and that there is the barest involvement by the police.
All of my teaching at the Crazy Xtian Schools was rote and I HATED IT. No creativity, the sort of learning best done with flashcards, and the "best" students were the "pump and dump" type. I don't think that sort of "learning" creates a coherent worldview, but it certainly makes any intellectual process boring. I believe that was used by the textbook publishers as a way of narrowing students' opportunities and prodding them towards jobs within the ministry: missionaries, pastors, or church staff. Those that did not follow that path were condemned to being semi-educated laypeople within the church unless you tunneled out. My clothes may have been muddy, but I was free.
As somebody who deals with some Asian students on the "enrichment" side, I can tell you what the discipline on the piano and violin can do to somebody's musicality. First of all, would it kill one of them to play the cello, oboe, or drums? Chinese pianists who accompany singers that I coach are usually note-perfect and like a touch typist. They also seem to care about the aesthetic side about as much as the touch typists. It's just rote playing; only hitting the right notes matters.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't unique to any particular ethnic group, though. When I was in school, we had a woman who was a science whiz in one of my music theory classes. She got an A on every composition assignment, but they all sounded the same. The reason? She memorized the rules of voice-leading and counterpoint the same way she memorized the periodic table. You'd never give helium an atomic number of 5, so why would you write two perfect fifths in a row?
Maybe it works for (some) scientists. But it sure as heck doesn't work in the arts and humanities, because the latter assumes that you were raised with the qualities of a human, and humans aren't perfect.
Like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9TmkhaOrXM&feature=player_embedded#! I agree. And I was unfamiliar with the piece so I had to google it. I wouldn't describe running 16ths in the left hand as "schizophrenically different" rhythms. It's a much easier piece of music than this woman has convinced herself it was. http://g.sheetmusicplus.com/Look-Inside/large/3698788_01.jpg But it must be popular with the chinese mothers because if you look for it on YouTube, there are hundreds of little chinese kids playing it.
ReplyDeleteI would find it hard because it's not intuitive - the harmonies aren't classical Western, not what I would be expecting to play. The rhythms are unusual until you get used to it. Also I wouldn't enjoy playing it because I don't like it. But then I always preferred baroque.
ReplyDeleteI always liked Shostakovitch, so I guess my head just hears the positions of the notes in a way that makes sense to me. It feels like dropping tetris pieces onto a laptop keyboard when I hear it. And when you drop the right combination of pieces onto this keyboard, the surface becomes exactly the right surface for the melody to click in stably. So am I a fruit or what?
ReplyDeleteI'm mulling over the ideal here and trying to figure out what might be taken from it and applied to teaching. The ideal she's chasing is neither attainable, nor desireable. All that sitting down and drilling hundreds of practice test questions is on "them" (the students) at this age, not me. And any application of "shame" as a tactic has to be watered way down, or there will be a dean up my butt before I can say “play date”. But I think I should meditate on this and see if the lesson I need to take to my teaching can be discerned. I know the recent debates about softies, the desire to be nice, and the need to uphold standards have me turning over every stone looking for ways to improve my teaching. Something about this woman's ideas stirred something up. I found the piano horror story objectionable, but other than that, I think there's something in here for me. I know it isn't to call anyone "garbage", but I'm not quite sure what it is; just that its there.
In my undergrad days in SoCal, I worked at a tutoring clinic whose clientele was almost exclusively Asian, generally split between Chinese and Korean. Very few of these kids actually needed tutoring. The black, white, and southeast Asian kids we got usually needed remedial tutoring, but the bulk of our students were fairly bright kids with no personal lives or interests outside school and Japanese card-trading games. They came straight from school to a the clinic, sometimes twice a week, and then on Saturdays, they attended Chinese school all day long. I didn't last long at that job; part of my leaving was that the job and I were just not good matches, but an equally significant part was that I couldn't stomach loading already stressed-out children with even more homework.
ReplyDeleteOn a related note, Nathan, a Vietnamese fellow who lived next door to me during freshman year, was one of these over-driven Asian kids. Nathan was supposedly pre-med, and he simply -had- to excel at everything he did. Even I, the geekiest guy on the floor, thought he lacked social skills and was nigh-on insufferable.
One day, Nathan casually mentioned that he'd experienced a nervous breakdown in high school. I can kinda relate, as I once stressed out so much during high school that gave myself an ulcer, but I didn't get anywhere near the kind of parental pressure described in the article. True, Mom and Dad did want to know why I got a B-plus instead of an A in Spanish II, but when I expressed annoyance with the question, they let it drop. I can only imagine the horrors of having to satisfy supposedly wonderful taskmasters that the article's author lauds. I'd be surprised if lots of their kids don't crack under the pressure.
I teach a lot of these kids. And I fear the girls. God, the girls. They are boiling cauldrons of passive-aggressive rage. Woe betide you if you give them a B+.
ReplyDeleteThere's claims that the Wall Street Journal has essentially taken the above excerpt from Chua's book out of context.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2011/01/13/apop011311.DTL
Chua says (p. 3),
"The Journal basically strung together the most controversial sections of the book. And I had no idea they'd put that kind of a title on it. But the worst thing was, they didn't even hint that the book is about a journey, and that the person at beginning of the book is different from the person at the end -- that I get my comeuppance and retreat from this very strict Chinese parenting model."
I have flyer on my desk from a math-only tutoring center that just opened up. One of the photographs is two elementary age Asian girls and an older gentleman at a table going over some problems.
ReplyDeleteTwo thoughts came to mind the first time I saw it:
1. They apparently know their demographic.
2. Wow. It takes TWO Asian kids to explain the quadratic equation to that old guy. He must really be slow.