Developmental Grab Bag

I'm just past midterm with my upper-level developmental English students. I haven't taught this class in five years, so I'd forgotten what an incredible variety (sometimes mess) I'd have to deal with. Some get smooches, some smackdowns, some a combination thereof:

Earnest Eleanor and Hard Working Hannah: You two are dream developmental students. You come to every class, do all the work, use my office hours wisely, go to tutoring, and do multiple drafts of your essays. I see how much you value your education. You've both told me you come from terrible circumstances but have never used them as excuses for your shortcomings. Your next professors will be lucky to have you.

Second Language Susan and Simon: You have potential but need to change your attitudes about grades. Both of you came to this country as adults and don't have strong English skills. Hard work will overcome much of that, but earning an A is going to be very difficult. Don't come to my office and tell me C is a bad grade, that you deserve better because you had to work hard. C means you met expectations and are ready to move on to the next level. I understand you have earned A grades in reading classes where most of your grade was based on multiple choice quizzes. My job is to teach you to write proficiently in English, which is not as easy as reading it. Use those tips and extra assignments I gave you. You may move up to a B in the next couple of weeks, which by the way, is also not a bad grade.

Entitled Ernestine: I am so tired of watching you text, seeing your eyes roll, and hearing you make snide comments. You think you're better than this class. You think there's too much work. You are ungrateful that you didn't have to pay a dime for a textbook because all the readings are online. It's just too "hard" to have to go to our class website even though you're already on your computer every day playing in your Facebook account. You walk into class as if you own the room. I realize you've already earned an A in a college-level class. It was sociology, the department with the highest GPA in its intro class for this college and the choice of slackers who want to fill that social science core slot as easily as possible. That means nothing in English class. If you can't fix your comma splices and come see me when I ask you to, you are not going to make the A you covet. And yes, when you sit three feet away from me and say, "I'm not staying after class to talk to that bitch" under your breath to the person sitting next to you, I can hear you. But maybe that's the point. Don't be surprised to learn that what comes around goes around.

Aimless Abner: I would love to send you and Ernestine to a desert island together just to see if your avoidance skills could overcome her aggressive bitching. The first day of class, you made a big show of coming to see me and telling me that you'd failed this class before, that you were serious this time, that you "need" to pass. (Note to any lurking students: Coming to your professor and saying you "need" to pass or make a certain grade has already put you on the shit list. How about thinking you need to learn something? That would go a long way toward getting what you think you must have.) Since then, your attendance has been spotty, you don't do the readings, you have done none of the online work, you have yet to earn a passing grade on any assignment, you come in late, you leave early, and you refuse to come see me. You've earned the dubious distinction of being the student (who continued to attend) with the lowest grade ever in all the years I have taught. You have ZERO chance of passing, yet you continue to attend, occasionally submit incomprehensible work I have to grade, and take up valuable time I could be using to help students who actually do want to learn. Whoever gave you that C in the lower-level developmental class should be publicly shamed. It doesn't take a genius to see that you are barely literate.

Invisible Irving: Where the hell are you? You started class strong. You came to me and said you really wanted to learn and become a college-level writer. Your first assignments were great! I was really excited about having you in class. But then you disappeared with no explanation. You didn't respond to my email asking if everything was OK. You're an adult and make your own decisions. I just wish I knew why you disappeared. It always makes me sad when students with such great potential drop off the face of the earth and I never find out what happened to them. I hope you sign up again in the fall. If you can stick with it, you're going to make some other professor very happy.

Luddite Lucinda: You came to class scared to death of computers. I know we've had really bad support in this area from the college due to budget cutbacks, and that has not helped you one bit. We are the same age, so don't use that as an excuse as to why you can't do this. I am very proud of you that you've come so far. You can use email now. You know how to get through our crappy LMS with all its problems. You can create a document in Word and even format it and then attach it. If we could just change your attitude so that you understand this is part of learning and will be part of all the rest of your college experience, I think you'd do even better.

Misplaced Mortimer: I could tell on the first day that you got stuck here only because you didn't take the essay placement test seriously. You admitted as much but said you were glad to be here because you wanted to get more practice in writing before moving on to college-level English. You answer all the questions in class correctly during discussion, turn in almost all your work on time, and help me teach the students who don't understand the directions but are sometimes too embarrassed to ask the professor for help. I love reading your work, and I love that I can already start teaching you more advanced concepts that will help you blow the doors off freshman comp in the fall.

Despite this strange mix, it has been a good class for the most part. I've had some attitude about the technology, which I've since learned is very common with developmental students because they tend to fear change. But for the most part I think they are good people who came to me with different challenges they are slowly overcoming. Most of them will be ready for freshman comp provided they do the assignments and earn the points. It's been exhilarating, exasperating, emotionally draining, and fun, sometimes all at once. Though I will miss some of the students, I'll be glad when it's over!