It's a GAME! Students, please identify and correct all the grammatical mistakes in the following passage. Then STOP USING THEM IN MY CLASS.
Allow me to play double's advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong.
In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something valuable for granite. So I ask all of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it's a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids in N'Sync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back in reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.
Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take a rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the fax. You might have come to this conclusion through denial and error, but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it's a peach of cake. Don't assume your argument is the thrown of all debates; remember to view both sides.
Courtesy.
They couldn't possibly find them all. Word only flags one of the misnomers; the rest it just tries to make grammatically correct.
ReplyDeleteEyeball editing? Who does that any more?
Yup.
DeleteThey don't read. They've heard these expressions used, but they've never read them in print, so they're trying to get it phonetically. And failing. Epically.
God help us.
ReplyDeleteIn a related note, I have had more than one student refer to the non-fiction books _The End of Nature_ and _Field Notes from a Catastrophe_ as "novels." /facepalm
At least your students identify a genre; mine call everything "books" (including magazines).
DeleteYes, "novel" has apparently equaled any book-length work for over a decade. I've even gotten this in upper-level English classes that discuss genre.
DeleteMine call anything books, including short stories, too.
DeleteI'm wondering how this effects women, imperticular.
ReplyDeleteTwo of my favorites from the internet:
ReplyDelete"I gave her total Vito power over the bridesmaids dresses" (any ugly ones will end up wearing cement shoes)
"Scandalous photo! total black male material!" (given our racist society, this one almost makes sense)
Honestly, I'm thinking about using this for a writing-in-the-discipline class come Fall. They can have a nice giggle at the more obvious ones, I can give a speech about how our brains auto-correct (to give them an out for missing some of the mistakes) but you know a handful of these misnomers will ring true to a few of the kids. Like my good friend in grad school who used to use "intensive purposes" all the frikkin time.
ReplyDeleteThen we can transition to talking about over-use of colloquial phrases and the lack of meaningful, content-clear sentences. Including the ever-elusive thesis statement.
Also: importance of punctuation!
That was painful to read. I was just glad you didn't used "prolly", as in "you prolly don't agree with my argument."
ReplyDeleteWhenever I point out these issues, they get angry at me. Very, very angry. Because, you know, I am smug and showing off and making them feel dumb.
ReplyDeleteGod, if they only read. My 6-year-old said to me, "Mommy, it's based ON, not based OFF OF, right?"
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
Indeed, indeed.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteOh yes, I LUV "based off": http://collegemisery.blogspot.de/2010/12/winding-up-some-writing-smack-based-off.html.
DeleteI have seen "prolly," but not in a formal paper, only in online classroom forums.
God, you guys are, like, totally bias. I might of known.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! My only fear about making actual classroom use of this exercise is that seeing the mistakes in print might just cement them in their brains.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, the main result, as far as I can tell, of several decades of teaching logical fallacies is that both the overall use and the overall *mis*use of the phrase "beg the question" have increased exponentially.
"Beg the question" is a lost cause. I'll admit though, that the misuse at least makes a kind of sense. The one that drives me nuts is "I could care less". Aaargh!
DeleteDavid Mitchell handled the "could care less" issue.
Deletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om7O0MFkmpw
(Adding a link will not get me killed, right?)
How about "false morels are a diamond dozen"?
ReplyDeleteMy favourite from an analysis of Chopin's "The Storm": "Clearly, Calixta wears the underpants in the family."
ReplyDeleteSuper! Two of my favorite aren't in there, though:
ReplyDelete"in laimen's terms"
"make end's meat"
"Begs the question" is indeed a lost cause. Very smart and well-read people use the term wrong all the time.
Eggcorns have a bafflingly great power. I find them nearly the most annoying mistake I come across in writing.
ReplyDeleteI admit I had to look up "eggcorns."
ReplyDeleteThe Mad Dreamer is right: Most, but not all, of what's in the passage are eggcorns. Go over to Language Log for more examples and an explanation. Or you could google "eggcorn" to find a site where they're collected. Eggcorns are really not "grammatical errors," but they do show that people--not just students--don't read much.
ReplyDeleteThe creepiest eggcorn of all time (at least in my opinion) appeared in a LA Times article reporting testiony in the Roman Polanski child molestation case. The young girl who was molested was giving a step-by-step graphic account of what happened: "And then he performed cuddlyness on me."
Oh, dear. That is creepy -- and very, very sad.
DeleteA quick Google search found this helpful site: http://eggcorns.lascribe.net/
DeleteSpoonerism = Sounds are flip-flopped. Example: It's kisstomary to cuss the bride.
ReplyDeleteMalapropism = Words sound alike, but are misused. There's no semantic connection between the two. Examples: Polo bears or neon stockings.
Eggcorn = Words sound alike and there is a semantic connection between the two. Example: "Eggcorn" is an eggcorn because it sounds like "acorn," and an acorn is egg-shaped.
Sometimes the distinction between a malapropism and an eggcorn is a little fuzzy or depends on context. I think "He took everything for granite" is a malapropism, but "He flunked the geology test because he took everything for granite" is an eggcorn.
I learned some new vocabulary today. Thank you!
DeleteSo..."volumptuous" would be an eggcorn?
ReplyDelete@Ripberger: I can see I'll be spending a lot of time on YouTube watching David Mitchell. (Notice that I didn't write 'alot'. That's another one that drives me crazy.)
ReplyDelete