Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice!

It's about time to bring back some much-needed Unsolicited Advice. How would you treat these students if they were yours?

Snowflake Complainer Miriam:
"So I have this math professor who is just HORRIBLE. She's like, from another planet, and does not connect to any of her students. She tries to be funny and make little jokes during class, but they are absolutely NOT funny. People just give her an awkward stare and are like, wtf? The worst part is, she is unapproachable. I really need help in math and we have a test soon, and I tried to email her because I have another class during her office hours. She is inflexible, and although I try to be polite with my emails, it gets kind of hard when she repeats the same thing over and over again in a stuck up, sniddy way: It's like me giving her many options of other times I can meet, and her being like, Well, I have office hours on Wed evening. Or, I already told you I'm unavailable for [some of my available times] My office hours are on Wed evening 5-6. After 6 may be possible. BUT I ALREADY TOLD YOU I CAN'T MAKE IT THEN!!! AGHHH!!! Any advice? I hate her so much I'm unwilling to even LEARN for her class."

Unsolicited Advice: 

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice!

This week's selection comes from my very own faculty meeting. The issue didn't affect my classroom in particular and I was not a part of the discussion itself. So I just have to hope that they are actually readers of this blog and will take this unsolicited advice under consideration.

~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:

I teach twice a day in the same classroom. It's my first and last class of the day, three days a week. When I go in at 8am, everything is all put together, neat rows and tidy. But when I come back for my late afternoon class, the place is always destroyed. The chairs end up rearranged in some crazy haphazard circle-like horror, if the circle were drawn by the left hand of a right-handed person wearing a blindfold and fighting off a tiger.* Trash and wrappers are everywhere. The board is always filled with a variety of random words. I believe this is the work of an English teacher but I do not know who. Can I just request a university-wide policy that all faculty must leave the room in the condition they found it?


Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice!

This week's Unsolicited Advice comes from a forum for college students. Clearly this problem posted a few months ago, but I think it speaks to a larger teaching problem that we should be talking about: increasingly active parents and the weakening of FERPA protections.
~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:

My question is about the application process and parenting access to my college work. Most of my chosen universities are using the Common Application program. In some ways, that really simplifies things, as I only have one big application to focus on. In other ways, it makes things worse, as the strengths I would emphasize to get into Harvard are different from those I would highlight in an application to a small women's university. Still, that's not my question. Recently a teacher who was going to write me a rec said that he wouldn't do it unless I waived my FERPA rights on the Common App. When I brought this up to my parents, I expected them to support my privacy -- but instead they also want me to waive my rights. Now that I've talked to some friends, it seems that their parents are all telling them to check the box to waive their FERPA rights.

I don't know about the average college student, but I was sort of looking forward to becoming an adult and dealing with my own problems in college. Now it looks like my parents and other adults are going to have the same amount of power over my life as before. What should I do about this? Can I waive my FERPA rights now, to get the teacher's rec and please my parents, and then change that later when I leave for school?


Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

Today was a sea of precious snowflakes demanding all of my free time. And yet I found a minute before midnight to post a little more unsolicited advice. Something tells me we'll have some extra ideas in the comments -- or a discussion about the sad state of affairs if we can't come up with anything neat and elegant.

~Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:

Do you have any snappy comebacks for when someone says “You only got into [institution of higher education] because you’re a girl?”  I got this a lot when I got into college, and then while in college, and now in grad school.  Apparently all those lonely single dudes out there in their male-dominated labs think this is a good pick-up line?  I tried vocalizing my internal rant in response, but that was a little long so I’d like some help in the brevity department.


Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

I keep playing with the idea of soliciting letters for advice rather than mining other blogs and advice columns. I wonder if anyone would be interested in submitting problems plaguing their own department? Or would that trample the feet of Thirsties? Tell us in the comments!

~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:

I am in my second year of a three-year post-doc in the Northeast. It's great fortune for me to get a long post-doc, and I feel confident that this is going to lead to new opportunities in the future. I have been able to publish portions of my research and I just sewed up a book deal for my dissertation. Things are going well, but I have to make sure that I continue working out or things could quickly fall apart.

My problem is my supervisor. She is the Chair of the department and she is married to a Dean. She's fairly powerful at this university. And for whatever reason, she thinks I am a complete waste of space. She makes back-handed comments about how I must have gotten this job (she inherited my direction from the previous chair, who hired me and then retired for health reasons). She has filed formal complaints against my "lack of boundaries" and my "unprofessionalism" but these cases have gone to HR where they were dismissed for making no sense. Her accusations and hostility never come back to a specific source that cannot be explained. One time I missed a meeting because a student fainted outside my office and I sought medical attention for him. Another time, I gave a lecture on my research but it did not conform to the lecture's title as well as she had hoped. These minor infractions have led to violent confrontations in her office where she has threatened to take away my position and file charges against me.

Frankly, she seems unstable. But how does one go about getting a person who is unstable removed from a position of power?


Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

Note: This might be the first in a regular series, or just something I do when I've been drinking, or a one-off post that never happens again. Most of the questions I think about have been paraphrased from conversations in my presence or openly stolen from more successful advice columnists on the interwebz. Where necessary, I have boiled down to just gist rather than let people drone on for 5 pages. 

~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:
I am a male first-year graduate student who lives in school housing across from "Ted," a belligerent, drunk and drug-abusing classmate who won't leave me alone. He sends me dozens of texts each day prompting me to engage in deep, intellectual conversations about his emotional problems. His unreasonable behavior around other students makes it clear why he doesn't have other friends. I have people-pleasing tendencies, which is why I have tolerated him so far. I would like to cut him off so I can focus on my studies, but I'm not sure how. He has said to me that he has fantasies about beating up people who upset him. I suggested that he see one of the school's free therapists, but he insists that I am better than any therapist.

Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

Note: Some of these problems come from academic forums and need details tweaked to protect the online complainers. Others have been shamelessly stolen from actual, Real Life advice columnists or letters available across the internet. When appropriate, I provide the source.

~Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:
I have three children, my oldest ("Ryan") is incredibly bright and graduating college in a month. My youngest ("Amy") has physical and mental disabilities with the mental age of about 4. When Ryan was home for Easter he talked to my husband and me and requested we get somebody to watch Amy at his college graduation. We said we would think about it and have been unable to make a decision. On one hand, Amy can be very difficult to handle in crowds and has a hard time empathizing with others and giving them the attention they might want or need. There are also only two tickets for handicap accessible seating, which means my family would not be able to sit together during the ceremony. Ryan was 6 when Amy was born and he has always been loving and compassionate toward her, so I think this stems from a desire to have this event be about him, not about all the logistics that surround a handicapped person. On the other hand, I am afraid that this will set a terrible precedent. What other events will Amy be excluded from, weddings, funerals, our 50th wedding anniversary party? How would we explain this to Amy, who is very sensitive? My husband and I would appreciate any guidance you have.**


Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

Note: This might be a regular series, or just something I do at the beginning of a semester when I've been drinking. Most of the questions I think about have been paraphrased from conversations in my presence or openly stolen from more successful advice columnists on the interwebz. Where necessary, I have boiled down to just gist rather than let people drone on for 5 pages.

~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:

I am a tenure track professor at a New England liberal arts school with about two years left on my tenure clock. Last Spring my department managed to poach a celebrated professor from my graduate school. The Department is thrilled to have him. I am not.

This professor made my graduate school experience very uncomfortable. He once tried to kiss me, rather forcefully, many years ago. I managed to hold him off but it made the rest of my grad school experience a terrible one.  It was all I could do to prevent him from sabotaging my work or my standing.

We somewhat repaired our relationship. I graduated and moved on. I’ve heard about affairs he had with other grad students after his failed attempt with me. Now that this guy is joining my department, I don’t know what to do. I feel that his tactics are predatory. Not to mention he’s a married father of four. I thought he was out of my life but now my concern that he would prevent me from defending my PhD for turning him down has become a fear that I will not get tenure because he has joined our department. I also worry about my lovely grad students. What should I do? Hope he has changed his ways, or talk to someone about his past?


Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

My week has been terrible and I almost chucked this column. But then I thought: who will counsel these people who have not cared to ask for said counsel? Beaker Ben?? Unlikely. Southern Bubba? That guy is half soused. So here I am, advising perfect strangers of their moral quandaries. Especially this one, which I think will appeal to Cassandra and Snarky Writer. Source available at the end if you're a stickler.

~Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:
 “I’m an undergrad English student who just got published for the first time (yay!) and I’ll be starting work on my capstone thesis next semester (although I’ve already started reading and outlining and stuff like that). My family is currently very supportive and thrilled for me- also yay! Problem is, I’m not sure if that will continue once they actually read the paper in question…I hold some rather… radical opinions on gender, sexuality, and the politics thereof, which is what I’m writing about, and my writing makes that VERY clear…once the journal is published and they get to actually read what I wrote, things could get very awkward very fast. It sucks, because otherwise I’m very close with my family, and I want to be able to share the biggest step so far in my academic and professional life without screwing things up permanently. Any suggestions?”

Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice!

This one is short and sweet... but covers some important issues in higher ed.

~Academic Monkey

[+]

Problem Posed:

Can a bunch of rabble-rousers and their shadow academic conference actually change the higher ed world?

Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

This week's problem presents us with the profile of the Overactive College Parent. The kind that emails professors for a sort of college-level report card. These parents hang around unwanted, wearing t-shirt that say "Proud Papa of a Wisconsin Man" or "This Mom Bleeds Orange and Blue" which translates to "I have no life outside of my offspring."

~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:

This is my first year of college. So far, I love it. My friends are smart and interesting, my schedule has a lot of interesting classes in it. Things are so exciting! But we’re just in the third week and already my mom is doing weird things – like sitting in one of my classes. Seriously, I just ran into her in the back of my Earth Sciences class.

My mom is one of those volunteer moms. She was always raising money for my school, attending events and soirees, chaperoning dances and field trips. This has always annoyed me, but what could I do? She’s my mom. But now she’s showing up to campus. She has asked to volunteer with the department I am thinking about majoring in. I find her in the library or at the coffee shop near student parking.  So today I went up to her and asked her to leave. I told her she was being crazy. She told me I was overreacting and then began critiquing the lecture I just had. I totally lost it and yelled at her to go away. It was so embarrassing!! I really thought this wouldn’t happen. I’m over 18 now! And my parents are an hour away from my school. But I’m the baby in the family, and my mom is really religious. I think she feels isolated in our small town. What can I do? This CANNOT continue.

Unsolicited Advice:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice... to someone who desperately needs to start soliciting.

I haven't posted here for awhile. Things are really picking up steam in my New Job That Is Very New. Funding issues, hiring issues, faculty firing and temporary replacement issues (gah), followed by student issues, travel, a publication due on Thursday (gah again), and of course my normal research and teaching duties connected to this center. But after today, I need to vent, and CM is the best place to vent in this entire World Wide Webz.


Problem Posed (by me!):

Today, the parent of an 18-year-old "special needs" students (TRUTH HERE: VERY LAZY STUDENT WITH VERY GENIUS OLDER SIBLING NONE OF WHOSE TALENT RUNS IN THE FAMILY) cornered me.

She told me that Special Student has all sorts of Special Needs (none of which are documented). She questioned me on how I am accommodating those Special Needs. She demanded to know my lesson plan. She wondered why I don't have my lessons prepared for the next few months. She asked to know why she has not received any of my homework assignments, my reading list, or my syllabus. She is worried about his progress, or that he will get a low grade.

To all of which I responded: FERPA FERPA FERPA FERPA FERPA

(just in more conversational language)

This enraged said mother. And she began to lose it, wondering however in the world I had been hired here, and how I must be so grateful for the job, insulting me, my teaching, my research background, and my personal socio-economic status. Fantastic!

By the end of the day, I was pulled into the Dean's office. And she was there. Glory be! The Dean was somewhat supportive of me, but very political about it, so that it appeared that he was also being supportive of the mother. He stopped her multiple times during the interview to point out that her characterization of my refusal to discuss her son was not, in fact "evidence that Dr Monkey hates him" or "fails to appreciate his genius" or "neglects his inability to find peers in the classroom." (GAH) Okay, great, he was able to shut that down. But no matter how supportive he is of me, the fact remains:

He should not be speaking to this mother. I should not be speaking to this mother. The student is 18 years old, supposedly an adult, and there is NO REASON for us to be rewarding her bad behavior by talking to her.

And so, in true form: Unsolicited Advice to a Mother:

Academic Monkey Gives Unsolicited Advice

I have yet to meet someone whose personal life and academic career have not conflicted in some profound way. Long-distance relationships, grad-school children, sudden death in the family, and financial calamity are all par for the course on the academic track to get tenure before 35 or 40. This week's problem takes that truism to a new level.

~ Academic Monkey

Problem Posed:
I’m five years into my tenure clock at a mid-size R1 school in the Midwest. I have a good job. The pay isn’t great, but I’m relatively sure I’ll get tenure. Students are very good to me, my colleagues are fantastic, and I’ve had some luck with grants and publications that make everything look good. I'm pretty happy here. But I have a problem: money. Well, money, and love.

Three years ago, my partner of 16 years was diagnosed with a mental illness. The details don’t really matter, and I refuse to give up on him now that he is seeking treatment. However, before we realized what was going on, he did some things that were not responsible. He opened a lot of credit cards and took out a few loans – in my name as well as his – and before I was aware of his mental illness, he was $86,000 in debt. We didn’t have a lot of money and now the debt has ballooned to $130,000. He is now in treatment and I am doing my best to pay down this money while he gets the help he needs.

Academic Monkey Gives Solicited Advice!

This post's letter comes from a community member. I'm sure we'll all have good advice for her. My apologies to her for having edited the question for length. Hopefully the edited version contains the same spirit of her original letter. Have your own question? Feel free to email the mods and they'll send it my way. Ideally let's keep it under 300 words.
~Academic Monkey

Proposed Question:

Currently, I am a postdoc in STEM, and my husband has a bachelors in a humanities field from an R1.  He works a low-paying job that he hates. His plan is to wait until I get a TT job and then to seek an MA so that he can be an adjunct. He is passionate about his subject and he does enjoy teaching.  We can live on my salary alone so his adjuncting money would just be a bonus. 

The thing is, I don't think this would be a good move.  It's not that he's not smart enough to get the degree; he is tremendously smart and was recognized by his professors as having great potential. But he was a terrible student. He often flaked out early and stopped showing up entirely to classes. This got so bad that some of his financial aid was revoked, and we had to max out our credit cards for him to be able to graduate. I know that he could probably get admitted to a masters program, but I imagine the chances of him getting funding would be zero. 
The idea of taking out more loans, when we are already well into the tens of thousands for his B.A., literally makes me sick to my stomach.  When he brings it up I say as little as possible and try to change the subject.  But eventually we'll have to make some real decisions.  I want to support my husband on the career he thinks he wants, but at the same time, this just seems like a terrible idea given his academic history.  But who knows, maybe he really would step up his game in a masters program at a school he likes (to say he despises the place where he got his bachelors would be an understatement).

Thanks in advance for any thoughts or advice!

Penelope from Parsippany

UnSolicited Advice:

Oh the Schumanity...How Long Have I Waited To Use That.

In 2015 the wonderful Academic Monkey linked to a Rebecca Schuman article as part of her "unsolicited advice" series. When another academic made Schuman aware of this, this tweet appeared:

Listen, that's fine. There are a lot of people on this site who love Schuman's work. Ben and Cassandra and I have all said glowing things.

She tweeted today and commented on our blog that she had never emailed any mod something similar to her tweet, and I cannot produce evidence she has because I'm notoriously clean with the shared mod mailbox - for privacy concerns, obviously.

If I misunderstood things Schuman has written about the blog, I'm happy to be wrong.