Thursday, November 17, 2011

What Have Your Students Been Up To? (a Beaker Ben-inspired Thirsty)

In the spirit of getting back to bashing our students instead of each other (a suggestion in Gordo's last post, which seems to have disappeared),  and getting Beaker Ben some comments, and not thinking too much about the post just below, I want to resurrect one of  Beaker's wonderful  lists that was buried as a comment on the story about the teacher who didn’t teach

So, without further ado, here is Beaker Ben's breakdown of what his students have been up to this semester:

Now, let's be fair to the students. If they are anything like mine,

15% will be absent for months and may not realize that the class is not meeting

3% will attend a different class in the wrong building simply because they can't read their schedule

35% will feel they deserve the A because they did such a good job in high school

45% sit in class texting all the time and may not notice that nobody else is in the room, including the teacher

That leaves a few percent who actually want to learn. They are the ones who probably reported the teacher.

Or, if I'm feeling pessimistic, students ratted her out because she didn't respond to their emails requesting extra credit.

Q: How do your students compare? 


  1. Geez, Beaker, no comments yet? I'm first!

    Right now, my students are studying for an exam.

    And by the way, which one of us wrote that article for Cracked?

  2. Mine are all occupying something or other today. At least that's what they told me. Did I get suckered? Am I going to have to make an example out of one of them?

  3. About 5% of mine are "drive-by students". They don't show up for weeks, manage to come in for the exam (even if it's postponed a day), flunk it, and don't show up for weeks again.

    The rest generally show up, but of those:
    20% don't take any notes;
    20% are much more concerned with flirting than with finding out about the topic;
    50% nod and write diligently but misapprehend most of the topic;
    5% nod, write diligently, understand what I've said that day, and ask off-the-wall questions that show they're curious but have no previous knowledge of even basic world knowledge (e.g., haven't heard of marsupials);
    5% believe they could and should be teaching the class, even though they consistently earn Cs and Ds.

  4. The exam is unfair because I've never heard of marsupials.

    Do we have to know how to spell marsupials?

    How much soup do marsupials group if marsupials could group soup?

    (ok, I'll stop now)

  5. 2% are absent, after emailing me to detail the symptoms of their special strain of influenza otherwise known as "hangover."
    2% are absent, after emailing me about the details of their court dates.
    4% are sleeping with their heads tipped back in ways that seem potentially lethal given the pressure on their spinal cords.
    12% are talking to each other even though I am standing less then 12 feet from them.
    1% are making out during a rivetting film about Chinese beauty standards.
    20% are -staring at their crotches- texting, I think.
    10% are probably studying for another class, or staring at their crotches and not texting.
    49% are managing some semblance of paying attention. They are all on Ritalin.

  6. Mine have mandatory attendance (tied into the grade) so I hear reasons all day why they should be allowed to miss. Yawn, no.


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