Friday, December 28, 2012

Because It SO Deserves The Post of the Week, We've Clipped Dr. Nothaughty's Recent Comment and Given it Some Space of Its Own. It Also Allowed Cal to Make a Fantastically Blurry and Crappy Graphic.

As a result of a series of coincidental employment matters, I've ended up working with a bunch of vegans. That's cool with me. Though I'm an omnivore, I limit the amount of meat that I eat, I make a point of eating lots of veggies, and I live an environmentally-conscious life. So I'm down with the cause, as it were.

However, what rankles me is the amount of time that these people, with whom I spend a minimum of 40 hours a week, devote to telling me that they are vegan: "Because I'm a vegan, I don't eat there." "That platter of cookies that the department chair ordered really pisses me off because I'm a vegan, and there aren't any vegan cookies there." "Because of my lifestyle choices--being a vegan and all--certain overseas travel options just aren't realistic ones for me."

Moreover, veganism apparently makes these people wholly ignorant of the world around them at this very moment: "Does it take a long time to cook a Thanksgvising turkey? I wouldn't know because I'm vegan." "Beer! They sell it in cans now? I wouldn't know because I'm vegan and I don't drink." "There's a television network called the Food Network? I wouldn't know because I'm vegan and therefore don't own a television."

I swear, I never thought that chocolate chip cookies would ever make me want to punch so many people so many times.


- Dr. Nicholas Nothaughty





34 comments:

  1. I can't respond intelligently to this post because I'm a vegan.

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  2. Perhaps it is idiocy rather than veganism that makes these people wholly unaware of the world around them? I also would like to punch out rude, snotty, superior assholes - but because they are assholes, not because they are vegans, or mormons, or wear pants with the crotch dragging on the ground.

    No, wait, I DO want to punch them because they wear pants with the crotch dragging on the ground, but they'll probably trip and fall and save me the trouble.

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  3. I was a vegan for about a year. But I was a vegan that thought being smug and rude to human beings was definitely worse than eating animal products.

    Which obviously made me a rarity, and was one of the reasons I started eating animal products again.

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  4. The only people more snotty than Vegans are people who brag about being a member of Mensa...

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    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. Any references I made about my belonging to Mensa were just simple statements of fact, because it was part of who I was and still am. I saw no reason to be embarrassed by it, but I certainly wasn't a snob about it. In fact, I took great delight in poking fun at it, such as posting cartoons ridiculing Mensa.

      I often told my students to not let that worry them and that any mistakes I might make in my lectures came with a pedigree. I'm not sure, however, if they got the joke.

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    3. NLaA: It wasn't necessarily you. I couldn't tell your tone. Please accept my apologies if I misread it.. But I was thinking of the "well, I'M a member of MENSA!" types who seem to think that this simple statement makes all their arguments valid. I was thinking, "Dude, this is a site for proffies. We're all either PhDs or ABD's. It's the odd poster here that couldn't join Mensa."

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    4. No offence taken, but I knew of people at the institution I taught at who got bent out of shape because I would sometimes wear a Mensa shirt. I also knew of snotty Mensa members like the ones you referred to and they were be insufferable at times. (A parallel to that were some bosses I had in industry who figured they would persuade me by saying, "I've got *lots* of experience," with no further supporting evidence.)

      I figure that if I qualified for Mensa, our society must be in trouble. After all, if I'm supposed to be clever, how come I still lace my boots one at a time, eh?

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  5. I have a theory about veganism. It's really hard. It's a constant challenge, persistent vigilance, and lots of misery and failure. Accordingly, like any really difficult thing someone does in life -- marathons, mountain climbing, raising kids -- the people who engage in being vegans are completely obsessed. They can barely help themselves. It's like trying to talk to my sister-in-law without having her go on about a story about my nephew and his pooping schedule. It just can't happen. At least, not until he gets into school.

    In fact, the more I think about it, veganism and parenting are really similar: they take a ton of time, they are life choices, and they interrupt the daily lives of those around them.

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    1. I have a theory about veganism. It's really hard. It's a constant challenge, persistent vigilance, and lots of misery and failure.

      Reminds me more of some religious devotions. Which may not be entirely co-incidental. In fact, I've even met the odd vegan who goes on about their pooping schedule.

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  6. The main thing I've noticed is that there are two categories of vegans in America:

    (1) Those who are like our snowflakes (entitled) and expect others to cater to their vegan needs. These are typically the ones who have become vegan for political reasons without understanding exactly what veganism involves, and therefore, use their veganism as a platform to preach their superior ways to others. These should come with t-shirts that read: "Quick, punch me in the face before I have a chance to open my mouth."

    (2) Those who eat dairy, eggs, and meat... kidding...

    (2) For real, there are those who are adult enough to bring a vegetable tray or a bag of Trail mix and their own snacks to any event and not whine about the fact that other people don't make vegan food FOR them or that vegan cookies are hard to find. These are typically people who are mature enough to be vegan. :)

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    1. I had a type (2) vegan friend who was wonderful and would do exactly what you say. And would beg us NOT to make accommodations for her - she could handle it. She was a grownup, in short. It was wonderful.

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  7. I try to make two vegetarian meals a week so I want a vegan cookie!

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  8. In my field, we still think fish isn't meat, so we deal with very little of this : ) Hilarious post!

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  9. I don't know if veganism in the Great White North has different influences, but nearly every vegan I knew was totally cool, laid-back and non-confrontational about it. So much so, that it wasn't until my PhD that I met a type (1) vegan (as described above), and a number of us fellow grad students had pretty much the same comment - "wow, first asshole I ever met that was a vegan, and being a vegan was a part of his assholishness..."

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    1. I encountered Type 1 in California, PP, so who knows if that has anything to do with it.

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  10. OK, what the hell is a vegan cookie? I was at the grocery today and I totally missed the boxed of Oatmeal-Lamb and Chocolate Chip-Pork cookies.

    Seriously, I'm guessing it has to do with animal fat...

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    1. Butter! Milk! Eggs! Gimme, gimme, gimme. And if there are bacon cookies, put me down for a dozen!

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    2. Bacon Cookies! My God, we've got a gold mine here!

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    3. I used to make the best vegan chocolate chip cookies. Flieschmann's unsalted margarine, egg substitute, and pareve semi-sweet chocolate chips. Also pecans.

      They really were good. No one knew they were vegan, and I didn't announce it.

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    4. If the food is animal content-free but nobody knows it, is it really vegan?

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    5. Again with the "like" button.

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  11. First I have had Candied Bacon Cookie...AMAZING. Second I have vegan friends who don't bitch like this, they either bring their own dish or eat around the meat.

    I suspect your co-workers are so weak from malnutrion that they can no longer think clearly.

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  12. It's the Vitamin B12 and K2 deficiencies, and probably a bunch of lesser-known micronutrients found solely in animals, that make vegans crazy. In particular, strict vegans are known for becoming irrationally angry about two years in.

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    1. (They are also found in mushrooms and dirt, so vegans aren't necessarily missing those nutrients)

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  13. Every time I bring a veggie plate to a physics colloquium or other get-together, no one eats any of it. Pepperoni pizza and donuts they scarf up.

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  14. Even Jane Goodall finds Type 1 vegans tiring!

    http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-november-12-2009/jane-goodall

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    1. If the RGM could actually make that into a link, I'd be ever so grateful. I can do it on my own posts, but not in a reply.

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  15. SING IT SISTER.

    I went to a granola SLAC, and I know.

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