Saturday, April 27, 2013

Dear Colleague

Dear colleague,

With the utmost respect and collegiality, I have to ask you, on the behalf of our shared students, what the hell is wrong with you?

The dates and times of finals are set by the registrar.  You cannot move them, because if you do, you will inconvenience other people -- you know, other people?  Those faint dim shapes you suspect might exist just outside the range of your perception?

Here's what's going to happen:  our three shared students will attend my final.  They will sit there for the full schedule time and take the goddamned test.  They will focus on that test, and only that test.  They will attend your final at the scheduled time.  I will notify these students that I want their grade in your class reported to me.  If that grade has been lowered because they didn't show up to your pretend final date, I will march my angry ass right into the goddamned president's office.

Yours in red-hot spicy rage,
Prof. Chiltepin, Ph.goddamnedD.


  1. "Those faint dim shapes you suspect might exist just outside the range of your perception?"

    That is tea-partying beautiful. Thank you.

  2. Something like this would never happen at CC of the State of Denial.

    No, anyone that reschedules their final exam at CCSoD gives their final during the week before finals and then takes off for finals week, making those of us that do their jobs and show up for finals week even though their second child had been born the week prior and their mother was visiting the new baby during the final weeks of her life feel like fucking fools.

    (Yes, I feel a little strongly about this, even after almost three years.)

    BTW Chiltepin, rip this piece of shit a new asshole or five. Also, as unsolicited advice, I would, if I could, attend their scheduled final exam time with them, with another faculty member if possible. Make sure it's not just their word against the colleague's.

  3. Damn right, Chiltepin! We may tear strips off the precious snowflakes a lot here, but we also recognize when they are legitimately being screwed around with, and dammit, we'll back them up when the shit hits the fan.

  4. Grrr! And for some reason, there's always SOMEONE who doesn't even LOOK at the schedule! We have three quarters, and the exam times change each quarter, but one of my colleagues only looks at Fall and sets his exams based on the times from Fall (for all three quarters). Infuriatingly incompetent behavior.

  5. I always tell me students to tell offending profs to fuck the hell off. We are such a student centered place, I am sure the more astute system gamers even welcome such a snafu as a way to get completely out of the offending final exam. No need to make up what was improperly given in the first place.

    As a professor of writing who works very hard during the semester, I do not give a final and feel no guilt about it at all in my finals week time slots. I have to do something of academic value. I used to require them to come in for an end of term portfolio return/review. But that became combative when the people who were failing realized they had nothing to lose. I still make it "portfolio return day" but it is optional if they come in or not. Cuts way down on attendees, and on combatants as well.


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